there are times I can be cold and hard-to-understand.

but not thoughtless. in fact it’s thinking too much that makes me cold and hard to understand. Usually I want you to accept that part of me, or try to explain it to make you understand but at the same time, I always remind you that it’s my faults and I’m trying to improve myself each days. 

And I hate it when they use the reason like “it’s just who I am” to excuse for whatever they do even if it’s wrong. Hey, I’m human too, I need to be listened, need to be accepted just like you do. If you and me, if we forever see our faults as being ourselves , how can human being can ever navigate to be together ? Life will be full of self-centered, egotistic and selfish people…

and yeah sometimes I’m tired just like you. I’m sick of explaining to people what I think, who I am because it’s so obvious to me, and they don’t get it at all, or they get me but they still do exactly the opposite, or they don’t even give a shit. sometimes I’m exhausted of writing pages and pages to explain to them what’s going inside my head, and receive no improvement, no more understanding in return, or risk having my emotion being taken for granted. I want to be consumed with the unreason, I want to be mean, cold, and thoughtless sometimes. and without that little rebellion, my good quality is decreased too. I’ll not always be as adorable, loving, caring and understanding as I can be at my maximum.

But then my feelings still motivate me to keep on doing it, because deep down inside I’m aware I’m complicated and demanding and if anyone want to invest their neurons in me, even not as much as I expected, I’d never want to let that person go.

So I’m trying everyday and all I need in return is that you’re still there and you’re trying to understand me, value me and appreciate my effort, too. 

That’s all I can ask from you.

(Source: diarrrrhea)